


The Phantom

by tightropetwitter



Series: Soft Stucky Stories [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amputee Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Good Boyfriend Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Phantom pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 14:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tightropetwitter/pseuds/tightropetwitter
Summary: "Patients who undergo an amputation often feel a sensation where the missing limb was as if it's still there. The syndrome is called phantom limb. It's as if the body can't accept that a terrible trauma has occurred. The mind is trying to make the body complete again. Patients who experience phantom limb report many different sensations but by far the most common is pain. The body can be stubborn when it comes to accepting change. The mind holds out hope that the body can be whole again and the mind will always fight for hope, tooth and nail. Until it finds a way of understanding its new reality and accepts that what is gone is gone forever.”— Meredith Grey





	The Phantom

Bucky shot upright in bed, his right hand grasping at his recently re-amputated arm as he felt pain shooting through it. Not just his remaining shoulder, his whole  _ arm _ , or rather where it used to be.

He hissed quietly in pain, Bucky had dealt with pain in his cybernetic arm before, as advanced as it was, when HYDRA first gave it to him it wasn’t the most  _ careful _ installation, but of course that never really mattered for a while, after all he never had time to feel pain when he was out on missions. He never had time to feel at  _ all _ until more recent years.

When he was hiding in Romania was the first time he felt any kind of pain from it at all, but never any in his actual  _ arm _ , it was mostly just soreness around where it attached to his body, or pulling across his chest when he reached too far, but that was nothing compared to this. 

It felt like it was being crushed, like all the bones in his arm were shattering.

Even if he tried to keep his verbal response to the pain quiet apparently it wasn’t quiet enough for Steve to stay asleep, either that or it was part of Steve’s weird ability to sense when his friends or boyfriend weren’t happy. 

Whatever it was he was awake “Buck?” as his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could see Bucky clutching his shoulder “What’s wrong?” he asked propping himself up on his elbow.

“I… It…” Bucky panted, unsure how to describe the sensation of pain in a limb that wasn’t there “It…  _ hurts _ .” he sighed tightening his grip on his shoulder “The stump?” Steve asked sitting up fully, it had only been a few days since Bucky had had the remnants of his arm that hadn’t been blown off fully removed.

“No.” Bucky shook his head “My  _ arm _ .” he said, his hand hovering over the empty space below his shoulder where it should have been. 

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows “It’s been gone for seventy years, why is it only  _ now  _ starting to bother me?” he asked, the frustration in his voice prominent.

Steve wished he had something helpful to say, Bucky had been through enough, he didn’t need phantom pain on top of it all. Steve attempted to come up with some explanation, he shrugged “Maybe your body didn’t have time to process the loss when it happened because-” Bucky interrupted him “Because I was busy assassinating hundreds of people?” he asked, wincing in pain again. The annoyance clear in his voice.

“I was  _ going  _ to say because you went from having a normal arm to having a metal one.” Steve finished “You didn’t get the chance to live  _ without _ one. Maybe it never registered that it was gone at all until you could see it.” he said placing his hand comfortingly on Bucky’s leg, a soft look in his eyes.

Bucky rested his head on Steve’s shoulder with a sigh, still clinging to his own shoulder. It was tough, this phantom pain just felt like another reminder that he’d never truly be able to escape his past, what they did to him back there would always be part of him, in one way or another.

“I  _ feel  _ like I’m  _ stuck _ .” he said emphasize on the key words, his voice seemed hollow “It’s like every time I think I’m making moving forward it turns out to be another reminder they’re still in my head.” 

Steve noticed Bucky’s continued frustration, he slid his arm around Bucky’s waist and kissed the top of his head “You know what they say, pain is progress.” he said

“I’d like to kick ‘they’s’ ass.” Bucky quipped before leaning into Steve further, a groan of pain hissing through his teeth.

Watching Bucky go through so much pain, physically and emotionally, wasn’t easy. At least now he could be there to help him, thinking about him going through it alone was a bad habit Steve slipped into every now and then.

“Talk to Shuri in the morning, maybe she can help.” he suggested “For now you should sleep.” Bucky laughed softly “I can try.” he said, a note of defeat in his voice. His hand slowly slipped from his shoulder. He started trying not to think about the feeling of bones breaking that weren’t really there.

As they laid back down together Steve pulled Bucky closer. Usually it was the opposite, Bucky preferred protecting Steve, even if he didn’t need it anymore, but right now he didn’t quite mind laying in Steve’s arms right now.

Slowly, as he focused on attempting to fall back asleep, listening to Steve’s breathing, Bucky could feel the pain let up slightly.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another little thing I wrote in my head while I was falling asleep a few nights ago, I felt like there's not enough on Bucky as an amputee, he never had the chance to grieve the loss or even process it. Loosing a limb is hard enough without being immediately thrust into something as wild as Hydra, lol.


End file.
